Two days after we dropped our son at college, we had to take our daughter to the airport to head off for her senior year. For a moment I was thinking that in just 9 months she will graduate and be back home with us (!) but I believe she will be a career student with plans for law school next year. {Sigh}.
After leaving the airport, neither my husband or myself were ready to go home to an empty house so we took a little detour to Barnes & Noble for some reading material . . .
All of this should keep me busy for the next 10 days!! As I was sitting on the floor of the book store, I was pouring over the books and starting to feel a little excited. Oh my gosh, am I allowed to feel that way yet??? Hey there must be something to this empty nest stuff.
But back at home, I wandered through the empty house and could not believe how quiet it was! Like picking at a scab, I had to walk through both of my kids' bedrooms and pause for a few tears and a lot of memories. Oooh, don't think I will be doing that again for a while. There were no wet towels and clothes to pick up off my son's floor and no makeup scattered all over my daughter's vanity. I thought of all the times I yelled, "clean your room" but now they are clean and I don't much care for it that way.
Down in the laundry room there were only a few scattered pieces to wash instead of the mountains of dirty clothes that usually reside on the floor in there. Yep, neat and tidy and NOTHING to do. I decided to dig into those travel books, but glanced at the sink as I walked by . . .
Pretty pathetic, huh? Who would have thought I would be longing for a sink full of dishes. I can't tell you how many times my husband and I checked our cell phones for missed calls and text messages, but there just weren't any. SNAP OUT OF IT! We have GOT to get a GRIP! And just as I started to worry about not hearing from the kids, I got this picture in a text message from my son:
I had to smile . . . he had found his way to Publix, got the necessities - a half gallon of milk and a box of fried chicken and I realized he was going to be just fine!!!
Lorraine I have enjoyed reading your post. I am a year out from my empty nest life. Reading your story takes me right back to those first few months. Brandon my baby left for college in August last year and my oldest son Scott got married that same month. A few months later we move to Florida...so far away from them. My adjustment was painfully and awkward too. I remember opening our art supply drawer and being overwhelmed with pain knowing it wasnt necessary anymore. I too missed picking up my sons dirty socks and wet towels. I misssed the late night movies with popcorn and hot chocolate with my daughter Brooke. With all this said let me tell you where I am now. First let say that I felt the Lord tug on my heart three years before to start preparing for that moment but I didnt listen. I never took the time for myself like I should have. I took such pride in being a mom and loved it with all my heart that I didnt think it was necessary to nurture me outside of them. I was so wrong. However, God is so good!! He walked me through those moments with great care. He got me to a place where I could look back and celebrate instead of feeling a loss. What freedom in that. My relationship with my husband John has always been great but oh my goodness...it is fantastic now. We truly are having a kind of second honnymoon. But I had to recognize that it is a daily chose to embrace this new season and live it with joy and not saddness. So I am excited for your trip!! This truly is your time...enjoy every moment knowing that your children need to see you move gracfully into your new future so that they to can go forward without feeling guilty they are hurting you. So for me I had to open that art supply drawer again. I took out some colored pencils and drew me a colorful picture of my next great adventure. Blessings, Julie Holland Larson (Carolyn's highschool friend)
ReplyDeleteDear Lorraine - I am glad that you are chronicling this. I am not sure I could and still function the rest of the day. I am struggling with three gone and two busy ones still here...but I MISS THE ONES THAT ARE GONE SO DEEPLY that I feel like the ones that are here are getting a bit slighted. I too have to snap out of it...I need to realize they are living the life they were born to live, with the tools I gave them, with a smile on their face. I HAVE to believe in them and their ability to survive. I have to latch on too, ok, so that 's a bit harsh, hang on too, the ones that still need the daily reminder of "brush your teeth", "eat a snack", "pick up that wet towel." THOSE reminders ARE the tools we are giving them. The basic outline for how to live a sane and structured life. The rest is up to them. I MISS THEM. I CRY. I CRY SOME MORE. My grown daughters were more than that...they were my friends, , my confidantes...and do I wish they were still here - I AM NO LONGER SURE....THEY NEED TO LIVE - and while being here would be LIFE for me, it would not be LIVING for them....
ReplyDeleteI LOVE YOU FRIEND...HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY TRIP - I KNOW YOU DESERVE IT...
XO
Rae